Replay

What motivation was behind Judas’s betrayal of the Lord? I expect we’ve all wondered about this, from beginning Bible readers to life-long serious Bible students.

Certainly money was part of it. When Mary anointed Jesus’s feet, we’re told the disciples criticized her—it was expensive ointment, and it could have been sold and the proceeds donated to help the poor. Matthew records that the criticism came from “the disciples” (26:8-9). Mark says it was “some” (14:4-5). It’s John who goes further to say it was Judas (12:4-6). Combining the accounts, it seems that Judas is the one who first voiced objection, and the others joined in.

John’s account is where we learn of Judas’s money motivation. John tells us, “Not that he cared for the poor, but because he was a thief, and had the money box; and he used to take what was put in it.” Since the others joined in objecting to the “waste” of the ointment, it doesn’t seem that John or any of them knew of the thieving at the time; they must have learned of it later.

Still, most students feel there must have been more to the betrayal than the few coins Judas was given. This feeling is prompted by the intense remorse Judas displayed later on the night of the betrayal.

Then when Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he changed his mind and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders, saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” They said, “What is that to us? See to it yourself.” And throwing down the pieces of silver into the temple, he departed, and he went and hanged himself. (Matthew 27:3-5)

The question we ponder is, “What could have caused this immediate, dramatic, and suicidal reversal?” It seems like it must relate to some motivation deeper than the money. What caused such anguish?

I wonder if Judas replayed, over and over, what Jesus had said about betrayal during the meal, earlier that evening.

“Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me… The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that man if he had not been born.” (Matthew 26:21-24, Mark 14:18-21, Luke 22:21-22)

In the garden Judas was leading the mob arresting Jesus. Within a few hours at most, he was in such anguish over it that he killed himself. Matthew says it was because he “saw that Jesus was condemned,” which tells us he expected some other outcome. But now that Jesus was condemned, the weight of guilt has come crashing down. Over and over, he is replaying, “One of you will betray me.” Over and over, “Woe to that man.” Over and over, “It would have been better not to be born.”

We do this, don’t we? Replay in our minds conversations or actions that we have come to regret. The more intense the remorse, the more we replay it. It’s possible for the remorse to become debilitating to our spiritual lives, to the point we despair of being savable.

That same night, Peter had intense remorse over denying his Lord, and we’re told he replayed what Jesus had said: “And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, ‘Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.’ And he went out and wept bitterly.” (Matthew 26:75) How long did he carry the remorse, how long did he keep replaying it? Perhaps until Jesus asked him, “Do you love me?”, and then commanded, “Feed my sheep.”

The remorse we feel is called repentance. It’s the right thing to feel, when we’ve sinned. But it shouldn’t be the end of what we feel. For Judas it was the end. Peter had a better outcome. Jesus confronted him, and he felt miserable all over again. But then, Jesus told his miserable disciple that he still had work for him to do, and said, “Follow me.” (John 21:15-19)

The remorse (repentance) Peter felt was right. Jesus acknowledged it. But he didn’t want that to be the end. When warning Peter of his upcoming denial, Jesus had said, “When you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22:32) The message later was the same: “Feed my sheep.” In effect, Jesus said to Peter (and says to us), “Yes, you did wrong. What I want from you now is to turn around, and carry on with the work I have for you to do. Strengthen your brothers and sisters.”

Peter didn’t ever forget his failure, but he didn’t need to keep replaying it. Jesus helped him confront it, and then turn around and do the work the Lord gave him to do.

Judas was overwhelmed by the magnitude of what he had done. For him it was the end. Think for a minute about the enormity of what Saul of Tarsus did, participating in the torture, betrayal and murder of Jesus’s followers. But Jesus brought him to a crisis point, confronted him with the necessity of change. Saul, later called Paul, never forgot. But his complete confidence in the grace available in Christ meant that his remorse for what he’d done wasn’t the end. He remembered, and talked about it openly. But he didn’t endlessly replay his failures.

These individuals—Judas, Peter, Paul—are on record for us to learn from when we get stuck in replay mode. We feel remorse—rightly. The words of Jesus confront us—rightly. Now what? Is that the end? Or do we heed him, and take the next step? In spite of what we’ve done, what he says is, “Now, follow me.”

Love, Paul