Loneliness
There is just no question that loneliness has become a far bigger issue for believers, as for everyone. Sensible measures that attempt to reduce transmission of the pandemic virus do work, but at the cost of increasing our isolation from one another. The separation takes a real toll on our mental health, and on our spiritual health too, perhaps. As we get into the holiday season, at least in the US, the normal togetherness with family is disrupted. Or if we go ahead with family gatherings we increase risks to the vulnerable among our own family and friends. As much as we’d like it to be otherwise, we don’t have any options that make it all better.
The biblical record gives us a lot of vignettes, of people making good choices and bad choices. They are put there by God to teach us, so we need to pay attention. How many, though, are examples of how to deal with loneliness? I didn’t come up with many. Maybe you’ll think of some others.
The one that first comes to mind is Elijah, and his lament, “Only I am left!” Feel the same way sometimes? God showed Elijah he wasn’t the only one. God sent him back to work, and also gave him an assistant.
In his final letter before his execution, Paul expresses that just about everyone had abandoned him, or was needed elsewhere for the Lord’s work. Paul is very clearly lonely, and asks that Timothy come to him quickly, and bring Mark. He had been hung out to dry by those he thought would support him. Even so, he prays that this won’t be charged against them. His final comment on his isolation: “The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.” (2 Timothy 4:18)
Losing a spouse is a terrible blow that leads, at least can lead, to deep loneliness. Anna lost her husband after only seven years, and remained a widow for decades, into old age. Her response to her tragedy was to commit herself full time to the temple, “worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day.”
As I said, you might think of others who were left alone, or felt alone. Even our Lord, as we’re very familiar, was abandoned by even his closest friends. He was alone when he had to face the worst. Except, of course, for the One who is always near, no matter what.
Loneliness can be crushing, and it is not to be dismissed with some facile words. But maybe in these few examples we can see a hand reaching out to us, a hand we can grasp and hold onto.
A hand extended by Elijah: However alone we may feel, there is a multitude who are with us in spirit even if not in person. And it may be that we need to be jarred out of our isolation, to get up and seek help. When Elijah was jarred in this way, he did find help. And he found out he still had important work to do.
A hand extended by Paul: Instead of the bitterness that he (or we) might find excusable, he was gracious. I can’t imagine that his forgiving response came easy. But he realized there was no hope, no future, in bitterness. And he reached out in his loneliness, something that can be hard for us to do. But there were people out there who cared about him. As he said in another letter, he had found a way to be content regardless even of great difficulties and distress. Plus, even in his isolation, he was able to preach, and to reach out to coach his protégé Timothy. Through everything, he kept his eye on the kingdom at the end of it all.
A hand extended by Anna: The basic situation may not change, but it is up to us to choose how we respond to it. One very fulfilling choice is to direct our life into the Lord’s service. We aren’t told explicitly how she felt, but in what she said she clearly found reason for joy and thankfulness. It didn’t make her widowhood go away, but (it seems to me) she found that it was enough.
No easy answers, of course, but maybe some encouragement. Two lessons we can take from these examples, it seems to me: It may not be necessary to stay alone, but we may have to take some action ourselves—which I realize is far easier said than done for some. And: Bad circumstances, including loneliness, do not prevent us from commitment to the Lord’s work, and in that work we can find satisfying fulfillment in spite of everything – and in the end a kingdom.
Our hearts may yearn for something we cannot attain: better health, companionship, changing the past, easing whatever distresses us. We may not attain what we long for, but we always have the choice between bitterness and complaint, or instead doing what is within our ability, and knowing that whatever situation we are in, we are not abandoned by our God. This isn’t just words: “Be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ ” (Hebrews 13:5) This is a promise. This is a guarantee.
I pray that, whoever and wherever you are, you find a hand to hold, even if from a distance. If no other, here is mine. And I pray you find a work in the Lord to commit to, to dedicate your life to, “knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”
Love, Paul
If you have any feedback, please contact me at: paul.zilmer@gmail.com