Kevin Fadely on Priorities: Faith, Family and Health
I used to feel like my duty as a good Christian father was to remove any roadblocks to prevent my children from achieving what they wanted to achieve. My thinking was “let's get these kids into college, playing college sports, and open up doors of opportunity for them.” My family started to get involved with youth sports at a local recreational level. At first, the games were on Saturdays and training was once a week, but soon they were playing travel sports multiple evenings of the week. I became a coach, and it started to become like a second full-time job. There were tournaments every weekend, including on Sundays. The family stopped consistently attending a meeting every Sunday. We tried to have bible studies with our kids while we were on the road, but it just wasn't the same. They didn't have the experience of that social cohesion that’s so important in our walk. It became a real struggle.
When my son was in his junior year of high school, he was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. He lost almost 30 pounds in a month and ended up requiring treatment at the children's hospital, near Washington, DC. Through that journey, we were able to start addressing our priorities, but we were still pushing the sports. My son was one of the better players on his high school team and was being scouted by some colleges. He was invited to a college workout and my wife and I went to watch. I could see he wasn’t giving what I deemed to be his best effort. I thought he was being a little bit lazy on the basketball court so afterwards in the parking lot I confronted him. And he looked at me and said “dad, I'm not chasing your dream anymore. I can't battle Crohn’s plus the schedule, the training and everything else. And I just don't want to play basketball anymore.” That was when I realized something had to change. It wasn't the example that I wanted to put before them. I wanted them to see me as a man of God.
His Crohn's went into remission but last April he had a flare up. He called me from his work and I told him, “just come on home and let's try to get it back under control.” He was bedridden until July when he started to have a fever and worsening abdominal pain. We decided to get him into an emergency room. He was later transferred to another hospital and connected to IV antibiotics for over a week before he was sent home where he continued to be on an IV for 18 hours a day until the infection was controlled to the point where they could operate. When we showed up for the operation in November, the plan was to make two small incisions and remove a couple of sections but once the doctor got in there, he realized it was a lot worse than they had thought. They had to fully open him up and removed about two and a half feet of the small intestine. It was a lot more invasive than they expected.
My son is fully recovered now. He's been home and he's back at school and trying to look at what he wants to do with the rest of his life. It's been very difficult for him and there's anger towards God but it's one of those things where we have to turn over to God and realize that it's in his hands. We're not relinquishing responsibility, but God is greater to handle these situations than we are.
What I had to realize is that God is trying to build me into the man that he needs me to be, and not the man I wanted to be. In the moment of crisis, it felt like years of trying to figure it all out were coming crashing down, but now I’m turning it over to God and saying, “God, I'm the clay and you’re the potter. Mold me to best serve what you need” and just letting it go. It's been absolutely phenomenal. I have a better understanding of myself after going through this journey and examining my priorities.
I also feel more equipped to get the message out and would encourage everyone to work within our communities to give that news of good hope. We've got a whole generation of people that are struggling right now. Don't squander the time we have left to talk to your friends and neighbors. Make it a point to share the relationship we have with God, and give them hope. Lean into your relationships with your ecclesia and keep building that social cohesion with your brothers and sisters. We know Jesus is going to return so let’s really get into our communities and get this message out.
To listen to the full interview with Kevin and Helen please check out our A Little Faith podcasts.