Growing up as a child in Guyana, both my parents were Christadelphians.  My mother would always say “your siblings are your closest friends” and we found all the games imaginable to play together.  We often had the children of brothers and sisters come over and share evenings. The major thing my mom concentrated on was our discipline and education, most importantly our spiritual education.  She would wake us up every morning at five, to do the Bible readings and teach us to pray. She would have us kneel and listen to us pray together.

We lived in a new community with many young families. My mom ran a grocery store, which resulted in many opportunities to interact with the community.  She knew all the young people in the area, and was like a mother figure to many of the neighborhood children.  We grew up, and I got married and moved out of the house but my mom was still my best friend and I often found myself going to her house after work, before I came home to my husband.

One day, a new family moved into the area.  For some reason, the male figure in that family started luring the boys.  Mom noticed that they were not going to school as they used to, and other mothers start to complain of missing money and items from their homes. It turned out the boys were not going to school because they were going to this man who supplied them with drugs.

Many of the mothers felt helpless to do anything, so my mom took it on herself to make a report to the police about what was happening, quite unaware that the police were also friends with the guy selling the drugs. The police told the guy about my mom’s complaint but didn’t do anything about it.  The guy enlisted two of the boys, young men that Mom knew well, to attack her. Their intention was to kill her but they weren’t skilled at handling guns. When they first came out, they shot at her and missed but hit a neighbor, grazing their scalp. It was scary, but mom was not intimidated at all.  She continued to run her business, but one year later they returned.  This time they were well prepared and hit her with seven bullets, destroying her spleen, stomach and spine.

She died on 31st August, 1997, and our family changed forever after that. I was really angry with God at that time for allowing all of this to happen.  In my head, I'm saying, “God is all powerful. God is all knowing. He knows how much she strives to serve him.”  I couldn't wrap my head around why he would allow her to be shot and die and see our family broken up like this. Many supportive brothers and sisters, urged me to keep trusting that God knows what is best and he's going to eventually show you why.

Eventually we did see some positive effects. After her death, everyone was forced to think about how fragile life is.  Most of Mom’s siblings were not particularly religious, but all of them became serious about their faith. Us young people found an increased focus on why we wanted the kingdom of God. Initially my primary focus was on seeing my mom again but I eventually came to realize it's not just about me and her; everybody is suffering in different ways, and this is the whole reason why the Lord Jesus Christ needs to return to change the world.  It brought focus to my life in a sad way but real way.

Mom didn’t just read her Bible. She lived it. She was constantly reviewing and vetting her own actions to ensure that it was in keeping with the Word. Her prayer life, the way she rallied around others who were in distress, all of those things impacted me and the brotherhood across Guyana. Time and time again, I heard them say how much she loved them, so when she died I had many of her very close friends – sisters in the ecclesia – who stepped in and acted as mothers to me.  I am eternally grateful because they helped me get through that dark period in so many ways. They gave advice, took me out for lunch, invited me to their homes, took care of my children when I needed help.  We had some lovely sisters who stepped in to help.  I'm really thankful that God placed brethren and sisters in my life who loved me.  They didn't just talk it. They demonstrated love in practical ways that made a difference.

For those who have experienced loss,  I don't recommend masking the pain or pretending that it's not there.  Allow yourself to express what’s inside.  God has provided people in our ecclesial family to help, and it is critical for us to open up so that we can find the healing that we need.  We need to dig deep and find the rock upon which our faith was initially built.  These are the times when you grow closer to God and learn to talk to him like a friend who is sitting next to you.  These are the times you really understand your need for him, because it's only He that can get you through that dark period. We might not understand what we're going through, but never take your eyes off of the kingdom.  God is still in charge of the situation.

The Karolyn Andrews Memorial Fund (KAMF) is an international emergency fund to help and support Christadelphians and their families anywhere in the world who are the victims of violence or persecution because of their faith. If you'd like to make a donation, please go to wcfoundation.org/invest-in-faith and make a donation, with a note indicating it is for KAMF.

To listen to the full interview with Dawne and Helen please check out our A Little Faith podcasts.