Part 3

Isolation from God

Previously published in the CIL Magazine

It would be odd if physical isolation from your ecclesia, your friends and family, did not have an impact on your faith and spiritual wellbeing.  It would also be strange if lack of time to yourself at home did not affect you either. It can be difficult to read, think and pray when you so rarely have moments of peace (and when you do get them, you fall asleep). There is nothing quite like a screaming baby or fighting siblings to make you wonder whether you will ever think spiritual thoughts again!   It is easy in this situation, week after week, month after month, to feel like you are drifting away from God.  Your attendance at ecclesial events will probably have significantly reduced, you may have hidden your favourite Bible away so it doesn’t get damaged, your evenings have disappeared, deep and meaningful conversations are few and far between…  Even if you were in good spiritual habits before any children arrived, you may be unable to continue with them, and must cultivate new ones.  

Change the way you speak to and listen to God

• Find times to pray when it’s easier to stay awake, for example, while walking with the pram.

• Listen to the Bible, maybe while doing chores.  If you have headphones you can even listen while holding a screaming baby!  If you are struggling to concentrate, try an audio version such as The Bible Experience, which helps bring the text to life.

• Read Bible stories and prayer books with your children.  There are also Bible apps for children, such as The Bible App for Kids. These all help you to keep Bible lessons in the forefront of your mind.

Train your mind to look for the spiritual

You can still grow and you can still find spiritual lessons in everyday life.  The writers of Proverbs and the Lord Jesus drew spiritual lessons from what they saw around them – observing the natural world and human nature.  Wisdom, after all, is the application of knowledge in everyday experiences: Through wisdom a house is built (Prov 24:3); Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom (Jam 3:13).

As a parent, you are constantly faced with new experiences that can teach you valuable lessons.  Even if you understood the theory of them before, when they are practically played out in front of you, day after day, they can have a cherishing impact on your soul.  Here are some examples:

• The miracle of growth in your child, from conception to adulthood.

• You learn again the wonders of the natural world through their eyes, as they constantly ask you how things work, and why they were made that way.

• Children will copy your less desirable qualities.  Worse than that – they will exaggerate them, and test you to your limits to bring them out in you!  But take it as an opportunity to develop – to leave behind negative speech, destructive actions, spiteful words.  No-one else in your life will be as brutally honest about your own behaviour – behaviour which you may not have even noticed you were doing.  Some tips on making your language more compassionate are available here:  www.nonviolentcommunication.com

• You can expect far less predictability in your life.  You will have to develop greater patience and acceptance to cope with the chaos.  Children force you to view your life on a day-by-day basis.  You don’t even know what the next few hours will bring, no matter how well-planned.  This only makes you realise what was true before but may have been less obvious – that your life is not in your control.  Submit yourself to God’s hands, and stop struggling against the inevitable.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble (Matt 6:34). 

• The sacrifices you make for your child, day after day – sacrifices which they have no capacity to understand, let alone show gratitude for.  The way we can have deep love for our children, even when they are disobedient and do not listen to our advice.  How children sometimes do their very best to stop you from helping them, not understanding the big picture. This all helps us to appreciate the Father’s love for us, who pities His children and waits without fail with open arms for us to return when we make mistakes.  The heartache we feel when we see our children suffer – particularly when others are cruel – only deepens our understanding of the grief God experienced when His Son suffered, and therefore what great love He has for us in allowing that to happen for the good of mankind.

- Rebekah Lewis, U.K.

Download Coping with Isolation As A Parent here.