Matthew 18: By the Book – Part 11
November 16, 2009
Dear Friends,
As we draw this series to a close, you may ask “what if a person won’t go through Matthew 18?” They won’t talk to anyone. They don’t come to meeting any longer. You can’t make someone talk to you. They are like the Prodigal Son who wanders off to a far country. John alludes to this behavior when he writes,
They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.(1 John 2:19)
There are going to be many times when people refuse to go through the process and simply leave. Matthew 18 assumes the person wants to stay, but on their own terms, morals and doctrines. These brethren don’t want to stay and will avoid contact. There is very little you can do here except try to recover them via Matthew 18.
Now when a person comes back after the third step of Matthew 18 or after their own self-withdrawal – be it one day later or twenty years later – act like the Father in the parable of the Prodigal Son. Rejoice to see them. Be ready to hear them out. Let them know how glad you are that they are there. We all too often fall short in this regard. We meet them with dour faces and lay heavy burdens on their shoulders. Meet them as you would an interested neighbor who came in off the street. You have to remember, if they show up one Sunday, they are probably already nervous and just looking for some slight. Don’t give them a valid reason to flee back to the world.
On their return, it stands to reason that the ecclesia is going to want to know the gauge their repentance. Have they stopped the behavior which instigated Matthew 18 in the first place? We have a good sign in their return that there is a willingness to change, but there still may be issues to sort through. When the Prodigal Son came home, his father took specific actions which are highly instructive to us.
- The father hugged and kissed him to let him know that he still loved his son.
- The father heard a genuine, humble expression of penitence from the son.
- The father clothed the son. The son returned destitute both physically and spiritually and needed help in his restoration. The father restored his son lavishly by not just giving him a cloak and shoes, but even went above and beyond by giving him a ring. God loves a cheerful giver.
- The father prepared a feast. The son was starving and had a special need for sustenance. The father gave him all he needed and more to “be warm and filled.”
- The father rejoiced. In comparison to where he was before, the son knew he was in the right place because love, joy and peace were there.
Interestingly, we are never told what happened beyond this. What role did the son play on the family farm from this point forward? Did he remain faithful? Did the brother ever come around to accept his formerly wayward brother? I would suggest that perhaps the answer is not given because the answer lies with us. We make the answer now in how we react to these once lost sheep who wander back home. We finish the story.
At the end of the day, there are going to be special circumstances in each of these cases which call for slight modifications to the principles laid out here. However, if we keep the true goal in mind, we should be better off than where most of our ecclesias are with this process today. We have to get better at this, brethren. We have to start doing this right and for the right reasons. We lose too many people and damage too many ecclesias by not doing this right.
At the end of the day, there are going to be special circumstances in each of these cases which call for slight, well-reasoned modifications to the process laid out here. However, if we keep the true goal in mind, we should be far better off than where most of our ecclesias are with this process today. We have to get better at this, brethren. We have to start doing this right and for the right reasons. We lose too many people and damage too many ecclesias by not doing this right.
Have a great week,
