Some Thoughts on Marriage – Part 5
April 22, 2009
Dear Friends,
Our last principle on marriage comes from a quote by the late Martin Luther King, Jr. He said “the time is always right to do what is right.”
It really doesn’t matter how long or how short we have been married, we need to become the best spouse we can be. As fleshly human beings, we want our spouse to be all they can be but the truth is we can’t change them, only ourselves.
It is a general operating principle of humanity that the people who are closest to us often hurt us the most. They know how to “push our buttons.” Their opinions matter more to us so the criticisms hurt more than those with whom we are less familiar. It is sad, but sometimes we have to use the teachings of Jesus concerning enemies regarding our spouses remembering that if Jesus wanted us to treat our enemies this way, how much more would he expect us to treat our spouses this way? “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44) “If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.” (Luke 6:29 NIV)
Many of us have dug ourselves a considerable hole in our marriages. We have violated our spouse trust by being unfaithful – whether physically, mentally or emotionally. We have been inattentive, uncaring or possibly even abusive. Perhaps we have fallen prey to addictions which have impacted on our relationships. If we were to be graded on our performance as a spouse to this day and time, we might having a failing grade. In come cases it might be too late to save our marriage. However, as was stated above, “the time is always right to do what is right.”
It really doesn’t do any good for us to lament the mistakes that we have made in marriage unless it is a sincere and heartfelt apology to our spouse. Unless someone invents a time machine, there is nothing you can do to change the past. What is done is done. We can, on the other hand, be that person today that we should have been all along. If we were inconsiderate before, we can be considerate today. If we were unfaithful before, we can be faithful today. If we were inattentive before, we can be kind, considerate and attentive now.
Being human beings, we will expect instant results from our spouses to the changes we have made when we make them. Despite the fact that we have verbally harangued them daily for 10 years, when we make the slightest effort to be nice, we will expect them to jump up and down in glee at the changes. Unless you are married to the moral equivalent of Superman, you are probably not going to notice any reaction at all. Remember, whatever your failing, you have trained them to expect this behavior from you. They are not going to be convinced about the new you in a day or two. It is only after constant and long-term change that they will begin to trust you in that area of your life.
I think overall we have set the bar too low for our marriages. We have settled for just getting by when I think God wants our marriages to excel. This much I know for sure. I can only change myself. The only person I have control over is me (and even then sometimes I am not so sure about that). If change for the better is going to come, it has got to start with me and there is no better time for that change to start than today.
Have a great week,
Comments»
No comments yet.