Some Thoughts on Marriage
March 23, 2009
Dear Friends,
I am the “marrying man” for my meeting. When the brother that had the license to perform marriages became too infirmed to continue, I was asked to take his place. This role, in addition to having daughters that are all too quickly approaching marrying age, has provoked me to give a lot of thought to weddings and marriages.
The culture of disposable everything is starting to include marriages even in the families of believers. To date, it seems, we have adopted a “bury our heads in the sand” approach to this problem choosing rather to ignore it or wish it away rather than tackle it head on. We do not prepare our young people for marriage. We don’t address marriage issues well when they come up. We are FEMA-like in our response to the “Katrina” marital disasters when they occur viewing the wreckage in confusion and offering little in the way of real solutions. When we do talk about marriage, it is inevitable that someone is going to steer the conversation into marriage, divorce and remarriage thus ending any meaningful discussion on saving our existing marriages (or, heaven forbid, improving them!) and choosing rather to endlessly debate on this single aspect of failed marriages. If you didn’t know any better, you would suspect that somehow we had been infiltrated by a group of rabble-rousers intent on keeping us from having any helpful dialog on this subject lest we formulate a strategy for success!
It seems to me that in order to bring about real, substantial and lasting changes, we need to have a comprehensive program that touches all facets of marriages in our midst. To that end, let me make a few suggestions.
#1 – Let’s put “holy” back in “holy matrimony.” With the debate of same sex marriages as a backdrop, there has been a lot of discussion lately about the definition of marriage. What is a marriage? Who has authority over what is and what is not a marriage? No surprise, but the debate has clouded the issue of marriage rather than clarified it. The issue for believers, in my opinion, is not the definition of marriage. Let the world define marriage in whatever manner they wish. The real issue is the quality of our marriages and how they bring glory to God.
The word “holy” means “set apart” or “consecrated.” Unfortunately, the word “holy” has little context in relation to modern marriage. Most people live together before getting married. Half of the marriages end in divorce. A significant percentage of people are not faithful when they are married.
So what is a holy marriage? My ecclesia recently wrote the following as a statement concerning marriage:
We believe that the Scripture teaches and the teaching position of our ecclesia is that there are two acceptable marital positions before God. 1. One man and one woman married in the Lord for life. 2. Single and dedicated to the Lord. We believe that any marital position or teaching position that differs from the above falls short of God’s standard.
I would suggest the above is the absolute minimum and that a genuine “holy” marriage goes much further than this. A genuine holy marriage will include all of the following:
- God and Jesus Christ are firmly established as the center of the marriage with each partner helping one another toward their goal of the Kingdom of God.
- Genuine love for one another coupled with mutual respect and fidelity.
- A loving and nurturing environment for children (if so blessed by God) where the parents raise their children up as “on loan” from the Lord.
- When problems inevitably arise, the couple works to resolve them rather than ignoring them or seeking an “out.”
As believers are to be a light in a dark world, our marriages should provide a similar illumination to married couples. Our marriages should be “set apart” or holy in this way. Just “staying together for the sake of the children” or “because it is the right thing to do” isn’t good enough. Let’s set the bar higher and then work together to achieve it. When people fail, we’ll be kind, loving and gracious with them remembering Paul’s advice: “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” (Gal. 6:1)
In the coming weeks, I hope to share some ideas on how we might get there.
Have a great week,
