Some Thoughts on Marriage – Part 2
March 30, 2009
Dear Friends,
There are seemingly opposing thoughts in the Bible on marriage. On the one hand, it speaks very highly of marriage as if you can’t possibly live without it.
- The LORD God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. (Gen. 2:18 NIV)
- Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love. (Ecc. 9:9 NIV)
- He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. (Prov. 18:22 NIV)
On the other hand, the Bible presents marriage in less stellar terms.
- It is good for a man not to marry. (1 Cor. 7:1 NIV)
- Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. (1 Cor. 7:27-28 NIV)
Most people I know who have been married for any length of time can validate both of the above perspectives at given times during the course of a life together. My mother-in-law wisely told my wife before our wedding “sometimes you’re going to love him more than other times.” That was a nice way of putting it. I would put it this way, “sometimes you may love them, but not like them.”
Yet, marriage has many benefits. It can be wonderful. If both husband and wife are servants of Jesus Christ, are committed to working on making their marriage better and both have healthy spiritual lives, marriage can be sublime.
So here is the next suggestion.
#2 – When they say “for better or for worse” they really mean “for better or for worse.” In the 2008 movie “Fireproof” (which I highly recommend getting and showing to everyone in your ecclesia!) there is a memorable line. A fireman is trying to explain to his captain, whose wife is filing for divorce, how marriage is for life and says “The sad part about it is, when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only mean for the better.”
Does your marriage have rocky patches? Well, welcome to marriage. The Apostle Paul, which we already quoted above, tells us plainly “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.” It is not “may face” or “possibly face” but “will face” many troubles. Notice also how it is not “a few troubles”, but “many troubles.” How many times do you hear that verse quoted in a wedding? Maybe we should quote it, though, because so few seem to realize the very important fact that God let’s us know the “for worse” is coming. Marriage is tough and we have to prepare our young adults for the inevitable ups and downs when two become one. It takes time to figure one another out.
There is a book I would recommend for young people called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. You might not agree with everything in the book, but there is one point that I think makes a whole lot of sense. He makes the point that we should not let our hearts get ahead of our relationship. People need to make spiritual decisions about choosing a mate and see if they are compatible in their approaches to family, work, finances and, most importantly, religion. In my experience, when couples rush headlong into things, they are more likely to face troubles – sometimes serious troubles – in those first few years.
I was very much blessed by God when I chose my wife. We became involved at Bible school in the summer and engaged in the following December despite living a thousand miles apart. The following May we were married despite not really knowing each other all that well. The first few years were very hard on us. We had quite different views on a number of subjects such as money, how to settle disputes and other fundamental issues. If we had taken things a little slower and not let our hearts get ahead of us, we might have been a little better prepared for the “for worse” parts of the marriage. Things could have turned out differently if we hadn’t been committed to the marriage and God had not blessed us the way that He did.
Even if we do everything by the Book, we still have the warning that we will have troubles. All we can do is follow God’s instructions to the best of our abilities and work through the problems when they come. The best marriages have problems. It is simply a matter of lessening the severity and frequency by sticking with God’s program as closely as we can.
Have a great week,
Comments»
Kyle,
I just wanted to say that your last three weeks of the TFTW have been personally beneficial for me. Thank you. Your timing and topics are always curiously interesting and I believe led by God; otherwise, I’d have to believe you are a fly on our wall. Thank you for being His tool.
On the topic of marriage and being proactive, I firmly believe it is important to cultivate strong marriages. Because of this, shortly after we were married we attended a “Weekend to Remember” by FamilyLife. Where we used to live, we invited other couples from our Ecclesia to our home every Sunday evening for a period of time to focus on Marriage Building. We read and discussed together the book, “The Five Love Languages” and we found it insightful as well as encouraging to share with other Christadelphian couples. Now that we have moved and attend a different Ecclesia, we and another couple are taking turns facilitating another Marriage Building session but this time we are using materials that we have obtained from the FamilyLife website. http://www.familylife.com
It’s a way of putting your marriage first (aside from God of course) and devoting focused time to enrich it. We meet on Sunday afternoons from 3-5, we arranged babysitting using the Sr. CYC for the couple’s (one of the biggest obstacles for the couple), and we assign homework each week that they do during a date night (we threw in a special raffle for those that complete their homework each week – at the end of the session, one lucky couple wins a paid date night out). We also have thrown in a couple of dates where the couples all go on a date together instead of having the class. One time we will go bowling together, another we will be watching “Fireproof” together on the lawn (visualize a projector, speakers, King-sized white flat sheet hung up in the yard, blankets, drinks, and popcorn). We have found it very beneficial and fun. It tends to draw the couple closer together as well as helping the different married couples in the group to become closer and get to know one another better.
Thank you for your service to Him and encouragement to us as His servants.
Thanks Kyle, some lovely thoughts here.
It is true for those who see the covenant aspect of marriage will also appreciate the higher relationship between Christ and the ecclesia and God and Israel. To walk the path with Christ unmarried one must still know they will “face many troubles in this life” although a different kind of trouble, this we cannot be spared. Hence, Paul made it very clear that you either marry and serve God, or stay single and serve God. Either way, you cannot avoid the “many” troubles in this life.
A little verse in the proverbs I particularly enjoy while sitting around the camp fire. Goes something like this…“A man is born into trouble, as the sparks fly upwards”
Once enlightened with the mind of our Father we have knowledge of sin, and with sin, trouble.
Kim and I can echo your early struggles in marriage but it is wonderful to know our Heavenly Father is shaping us for His future glory. God is not impartial when it comes to testing a marriage, some stick like glue (the Word) and some fall apart (No Word). God be praised for loving us, His children.
I know my wife & I could echo “sometimes you’re going to love him more than other times.” That was a nice way of putting it. I would put it this way, “sometimes you may love them, but not like them.” Really appreciate your kind and supportive words
Your brother always
Shane
Dear Kyle, The following is a talk I have given in the past on the subject of marriage:
I Cor. 7
of man be. For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark. And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken and the other left. Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.” (Matthew 24: 37-42)
of the Son of man. They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all. Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; but the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed. In that day, he which shall be upon his housetop, and his stuff in the house, let him not come down to take it away: and he that is in the field, let him likewise not return back. Remember Lot’s wife. Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it: and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” (Luke 17: 26-33)
marriage? No: of course not! But it seems that they placed little importance on marriage. It seems to be placed in the same category with eating and drinking. And they were not “seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness”. They were too busy seeking their own comfort and pleasure.
((Today’s weddings are often very costly. The focus is often on partying , dress, and decorations, etc. Yet the bride and groom are not any more married than if they had had a simple ceremony.)) God’s standards for marriage are much higher than this.
rather to bring out a few thoughts on the ideal that the Bible teaches, that we all say we believe in, no matter where we stand on the marriage issues. It’s so simple and we all know it, that it seldom is talked about. We need to look at marriage on a higher level.
alcohol level are much higher than the normal standard. This is one example of “raising the bar.” If we expect to be in the kingdom of GOD, we need to follow the higher standards that GOD sets in His Word. “Be All You Can Be.”
know and understand. We will set the Bible sets a higher standard.
Genesis 2: 16-17—the first law. “And the Lord God commanded the man saying, “Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it; for in the day that thou eatest thereof, thou shalt surely die.”
for Adam, and the first marriage. “And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
John 13: 34-35 : New commandment
John 15: 12-14: Love one another
I John 4: 7-8 “ “ “ “
I John 4: 17-21: No fear in love
we must be part of the “love triangle” that has GOD at the top of the triangle and the husband and wife at the bottom. If each of them is close to GOD and obedient to Him, then the marriage will be blessed by Him.
in marriage. But there is seen to be more than a helpful comparison;
there is seen to be a relationship between the two, as the marriage bond is intended to be a living parable of the love and intimacy existing between the Lord and his own. The illustration is profound and beautiful. Nevertheless, reminds the apostle, let us not forget the clear and straightforward exhortation: “Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself: and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5: 33).
YOUR PRESENCE AT A DINNER TO BE GIVEN IN HIS HONOR.”
You have.
Revelation 22: 17: “And the Spirit and the bride say “Come.” And let him that heareth say “Come.” And whosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely.”
Revelation 19: 7-9: “Let us be glad and give honor to Him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he saith unto me, “Write: Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he saith unto me, “These are the true sayings of God.”
Isa 55: 1-3
(in Minute Meditations) which is appropriate, called “Weddings.”
that awaits us, to attend the marriage supper of the Lamb as the very bride of Christ! This is what we have to look forward to. To think that we are to be the bride of Christ! What an exalted position! How could we forget to prepare? Jeremiah asks the question, “Can a maid forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire?” You can be sure what a bride will wear is very much in her thoughts. It is unthinkable that a bride could forget, yet God continues by saying, “yet my people have forgotten me days without number.” Have we forgotten? Is our coming marriage on our minds? Are we getting ready for the wedding? Our bridegroom is temporarily away, but he is due back at any moment. Is “Out of sight, out of mind,” true for us?
that he will be faithful to us. He has said, “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.” We know that he is coming and when he comes we will never be separated from him again. The one we love is coming and if we really love him, we are busy preparing for his arrival. If we have allowed anything else to distract our attention away from him, it will then be evident that our love was less than it should have been, and when he comes he will not want to marry us and take us for his own.
virgins and he warned us that five of them were foolish! When the bridegroom came they wanted to go to the marriage but they were refused. Right now is the time to be getting ready for the wedding. We should be preparing as a bride adorned for her husband. “The Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And whosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely.” “…..Even so, come, Lord Jesus.”
Isaiah 65: 18-25 Isaiah 11:6-9
we look back on the life of Christ and His sacrifice for us, and ahead to that marriage supper of the Lamb; that dinner in Christ’s honor.
Matthew 26: 26-30: “And as they were eating, Jesus took bread and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples and said, take, eat; this is my body.” And he took the cup and gave thanks and gave it to them saying, “Drink ye all of it; for this is my blood of the new testament which is shed for many for the remission of sins. But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s Kingdom.” And when they had sung an hymn, they went out into the Mount of Olives.
found in Genesis 1: 26-28 : “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”
Malachi 2: 14-17: Godly Seed
Ephesians 5: 21-33.
Revelation 21: 1-4,
& Revelation 21: 22-27.
saith, “Surely I come quickly.”