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Some Thoughts on Marriage – Part 2

March 30, 2009

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Dear Friends,

There are seemingly opposing thoughts in the Bible on marriage. On the one hand, it speaks very highly of marriage as if you can’t possibly live without it.

On the other hand, the Bible presents marriage in less stellar terms.

Most people I know who have been married for any length of time can validate both of the above perspectives at given times during the course of a life together. My mother-in-law wisely told my wife before our wedding “sometimes you’re going to love him more than other times.” That was a nice way of putting it. I would put it this way, “sometimes you may love them, but not like them.”

Yet, marriage has many benefits. It can be wonderful. If both husband and wife are servants of Jesus Christ, are committed to working on making their marriage better and both have healthy spiritual lives, marriage can be sublime.

So here is the next suggestion.

#2 – When they say “for better or for worse” they really mean “for better or for worse.” In the 2008 movie “Fireproof” (which I highly recommend getting and showing to everyone in your ecclesia!) there is a memorable line. A fireman is trying to explain to his captain, whose wife is filing for divorce, how marriage is for life and says “The sad part about it is, when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only mean for the better.”

Does your marriage have rocky patches? Well, welcome to marriage. The Apostle Paul, which we already quoted above, tells us plainly “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.” It is not “may face” or “possibly face” but “will face” many troubles. Notice also how it is not “a few troubles”, but “many troubles.” How many times do you hear that verse quoted in a wedding? Maybe we should quote it, though, because so few seem to realize the very important fact that God let’s us know the “for worse” is coming. Marriage is tough and we have to prepare our young adults for the inevitable ups and downs when two become one. It takes time to figure one another out.

There is a book I would recommend for young people called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. You might not agree with everything in the book, but there is one point that I think makes a whole lot of sense. He makes the point that we should not let our hearts get ahead of our relationship. People need to make spiritual decisions about choosing a mate and see if they are compatible in their approaches to family, work, finances and, most importantly, religion. In my experience, when couples rush headlong into things, they are more likely to face troubles – sometimes serious troubles – in those first few years.

I was very much blessed by God when I chose my wife. We became involved at Bible school in the summer and engaged in the following December despite living a thousand miles apart. The following May we were married despite not really knowing each other all that well. The first few years were very hard on us. We had quite different views on a number of subjects such as money, how to settle disputes and other fundamental issues. If we had taken things a little slower and not let our hearts get ahead of us, we might have been a little better prepared for the “for worse” parts of the marriage. Things could have turned out differently if we hadn’t been committed to the marriage and God had not blessed us the way that He did.

Even if we do everything by the Book, we still have the warning that we will have troubles. All we can do is follow God’s instructions to the best of our abilities and work through the problems when they come. The best marriages have problems. It is simply a matter of lessening the severity and frequency by sticking with God’s program as closely as we can.

Have a great week,