Powerful Confessions
December 10, 2007
Dear Friends,
Last week we discussed the problem with language that failed to accept responsibility. This week we will take a look at how to develop powerful language that not only properly confesses sin but also aids us in the process of overcoming sin. Let me say from the outset that all I am talking about here is being honest with ourselves. These points may also be helpful if we want to clearly confess to others, but that is not our purpose here. It is also not our purpose to use this language in getting other people to confess. Once we have mastered self-confession, we might be in a position to help others.
There are two key elements in powerful, crystal clear, responsibility-accepting confession. The first is to put the sin into Biblical terms as much as possible. The second aspect is to identify the real reason behind the sin.
Let’s take a look at a poor example of confession. “I don’t go to meeting because the talks are bad and the people are hypocrites.” This is not said in Biblical terms. A better way to phrase the problem is “I am forsaking the assembly of brethren.” We tend to want to use non-Biblical phrases because it lessens our sense of guilt. If I say “I did some stuff with some girls” rather than “I fornicated,” I have made it seem more palatable. Understand, though, that this is exactly what we don’t want to do. We don’t want sin to be palatable. This is why saying “I lied” is much better than saying “I fibbed” or any mitigating phraseology. The world has readily adopted these tactics too. They say “living together” instead of “fornication.” They say “tipsy” instead of “drunk.” We need to avoid such language in our own personal confessions.
The second aspect of the confession is the “why” or the “because.” In the confession example above, the excuse (and that’s what it really is rather than a confession) for not going to meeting is completely external and out of our control. A confession is powerful only when we can do something about it. We can’t make other people’s exhortations better. We can’t make people not be hypocritical. When the “because” is something other than ourselves, we are laying blame, not confessing. Even when we say things like “because I am flesh”, we are really saying “I can’t help it, it’s not my fault.” If there is nothing we can do about our sin, we strip the confession of all power. We can change ourselves – period.
In order for this confession to be powerful, we have to be brutally honest with ourselves and search our hearts as to why we are not going to meeting. After this self-examination, we might conclude that we are not going to meeting because “I am too caught up in the things of the world” or “I am self-centered and want people to cater to me” or “I prefer sleeping in to worshipping God.” The more brutally honest we are with ourselves, the more powerful and potentially transforming the confession. Again, this seems counterintuitive. We want to minimize the “why” because we think it makes us feel better about ourselves. This may be true in the short run. It can be a bit disconcerting initially to think “I am self- centered.” However in the long-run, it will be much better to tell ourselves the truth than to lie to ourselves. It is only when we are completely honest that we have the power to change. It also gives us power to know that this problem we have is within our control with the help of our Lord to change. I can now focus on the real problem (“I am self- centered”) rather than the helpless, powerless position (“they give boring talks and are hypocritical”).
So now we can make a powerful confession – “I am forsaking the assembling together of the brethren because I am self-centered and want people to cater to my needs.” We can then put together an effective solution. We can make a real effort to focus on other people’s needs rather than our own. We can pray to God for help with our problem rather than complaining to God about other people’s problems.
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah. (Ps. 32:1,5)
Have a great week,
Comments»
Kyle,
I wanted to commend you on some great thoughts on a topic that we Chdns seem to rarely handle publicly–either in discussion or in action. A few years ago, I went to a community church’s weeknight service with a friend, and heard a powerful message from a former alcoholic. Having looked back upon his decades of drinking and the havoc it created in his family life, he wanted to share his mistakes with the congregation… and thank them for their love and support in helping him put his life back together. I was struck by the power of his confession and the effect that it had on others. No longer were they all trying to maintain a guise of holiness, but many who had faced similar problems found support and a ready source for their own confession and healing. It was powerful stuff, and something that I think we are missing in our community. Hopefully, just by bringing up the topic we can do a better job!
I do have a little quibble with your example of “forsaking the assembly.” I believe we have somewhat wrested this scripture to demand weekly attendance on pain of excommunication. For nearly 100 years this passage has been wrongly used as a weapon to attack and even cut off those who for example, were too sick to attend for a few consecutive Sundays. Rediculous! Personally, I view this passage as being more about leaving the faith altogether rather than missing meeting a few times. The context is about “holding fast to the profession of our faith” and “encouraging one another more and more as we see the day approaching” rather than making attendance to every ecclesial event manditory. This is not to say that we should all sleep in or stay home to watch the NFL pregame, but we should be “encouraging” getting together, not permanently barring it. The Jerusalem Bible reads, “Let us be concerned for each other…do not stay away from the meetings of the community, as some do, but encourage each other to go.” I fear sometimes we use this passage in the exact OPPOSITE of its intent! This is about ENCOURAGEMENT and SUPPORT, not manditory attendance or else! Love to all, Paul
Paul:
I appreciate your thoughts concerning “forsaking the assembling.” You are absolutely right.
A long time ago I was at a meeting where it was suggested that all absentees were to be announced each week along with their reason for not being there. The idea was that people would be embarrassed so much if their name was announced without a “valid” reason (i.e. deathbed! :-) ) that they would attend. The measure was thankfully voted down.
The trick is always to encourage people to do the right things but also for the right reasons. In a perfect world, we have people coming to meeting because they really want to be there to worship, to serve and to share the table. Too often, as you have pointed out, we lead with negative (threats of embarrassment, disfellowship, fear, guilt, etc.) and thus have people who may be attending but not for the right reasons. Those attending on that basis would benefit also from honest, inward and Biblical confession based on deep self-examination.
I would add that Biblical confession is always cathartic. This is perhaps one of the ways we know we are doing it right. If, after confessing to God, we feel worse rather than better, we need to reevaluate our understanding of any of a number of topics.
Grace and peace,
Kyle
I’m not so sure about this one. It seems to me that we have a duty to be at the Meeting every Sunday. A duty to Christ and ourselves. If we see it that way and we set and nurture the habit we’ll try pretty hard to maintain that habit – a piece is missing from our lives when we don’t go. Literally missing a meal and if feels bad.
And shifting slightly, I also don’t believe that we can disfellowship Brothers/Sisters. We have a huge duty to deflect them from their wicked ways and/or address worng beliefs. And to protect the Eclessia(s) from wrong and disruption. But every baptised person is commanded to break bread – I don’t have the right to deny that to anyone – so I have no right to disfellowship. In fact I can’t – that person is always a brother/sister until Jesus says “depart from me”. Jesus does that. Not man – not you – not me.
We are indeed told not to keep company nor eat with a person in some circumstances – but we’d have to be REALLY sure that we really DID have all of the facts. And we still can’t disfellowship them (in my view).
I shall now duck… :-)
Colin,
You don’t need to duck. Just to cap off this line of thought, I’m not saying that we should arbitrarily attend meeting when it is “convenient” for us. I’m actually quite dedicated to it. On the other hand, I once confronted my brother (my actual biological brother) once for not being at weeknight class. I knew that he was with his girlfriend that night and let him have it. What I didn’t know was that they were delivering firewood on Thanksgiving eve to a family who desparately needed it. It was the only time he could make it work, so he chose to miss class in order to do it. Needless to say, I felt like the Pharisee who chided the disciples for not washing before eating, or criticized Jesus for healing on the sabbath. “Is it lawful to do good?” Doing God’s work was important, not necessarily making it to meeting on time.
Also, to close out the “disfellowhip” line… My great grandmother was officially removed from her meeting because of lack of attendance. She didn’t have enough money to feed 6 kids and also put gas in the car to make the 30 minute drive during the great depression in the 1930s. What a great policy–disfellowship a single mother with 6 kids for lack of attendance–just what God wants from us.
Given these two stories in my background, the hair on the back of my neck stands up when the phrase “forsaking the assembly” is cited to discipline those who may not be attending regularly. The scriptural phrase has often been wrested and invoked for doing the opposite of what it really says–ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER!!!
Cheers, Paul
Hi Paul,
I’m right with you on these examples. Perfect examples of “judge not that you be not judged”… Attendance is a personal thing to be exercized as often as possible with “excuses” weighed up in honesty to one-self and to God.
There have been some extremely sad disfellowship cases – perfectly wrong actions by people of influence over weakened brothers/sisters who did/do indeed need that encouragement.
Perhaps someone is reading this today that could use that encouragement. If so – there are brothers and sisters that would help and listen. I would always be pleased to do that – Kyle has my email address. There are some really lovely people on this forum.
All the best
Colin