Forgiveness
March 12, 2007
Dear Friends,
There was a vivid image reported when the gunman went into the Amish school and killed the little girls. A grandfather of one of the slain girls stood over her lifeless body in the bloody classroom and lectured the young men there on forgiveness and not thinking ill of the killer. Many of the Amish reached out to the family of the killer in their time of need and offered their forgiveness on the very day of the attacks.
Meanwhile, a columnist in our local newspaper recently wrote a story about how he cannot forgive the state of Virginia for the slavery that occurred here before 1865 – almost 150 years ago.
Why is it that some people can forgive nearly instantly for the most personal transgressions such as someone killing your child and others cannot forgive things that didn’t even happen to them or anyone they know almost 150 year prior? The answer, it would seem, is in our understanding of forgiveness.
The first major misunderstanding of forgiveness is the confusion between giving forgiveness and earning forgiveness. There are some that believe that in order to forgive someone, they must earn it by expressing penitence (being sorry), apologizing and repenting. If this were true, we would forgive very few people. Let’s face it, all too often, when someone does something to you or your loved ones, they are anything but sorry that they did it. They justify themselves at best and are plainly happy about it at worst. Forgiveness is like grace; it is not earned. It is freely given without any expectation. Take the Amish incident as an example. If the Amish waited for the killer, who committed suicide to repent, they would still be waiting, wouldn’t they?
Another misconception about forgiveness is the idea that the primary benefit goes to the forgiven. This may be partially true, but the truth is that the main benefit accrues to the person doing the forgiving. First, the person who forgives does not have this cancer of the soul of being unforgiving. When we do not forgive, it makes us bitter, angry and resentful. We suffer. There are times when the offender doesn’t even know we are upset with them. Yet, we carry around this burden which eats us up inside as if when we finally do give the offender our forgiveness, they are the ones who will be unburdened. Second, we will be forgiven as we forgive. If we are the type who is very stingy with our forgiveness, we are setting up a scenario for ourselves at Judgment that will be far less than ideal. It would be preferred if we showed up at the Judgment being more like the Amish than the columnist.
Finally, the last common misconception about forgiveness is that forgiving means apathy, signaling approval of the deed or not following through with correction. Nothing could be further from the truth. To forgive is to put away all malice, hatred, ill-will, desire for retribution and personal vindication. Forgiveness is NOT necessarily letting someone get away with something, go without consequences, avoid ecclesial discipline or simply allowing this type of behavior to go on. We can and should forgive instantly. From this basis of love (rather than anger), we can act justly. Thinking Godly thoughts in love, we can decide what exactly should be done, if anything, according to the Scriptures. Anger and bitterness are only blockers to doing the right thing, not agents for righteousness. Until we truly forgive, we are not in a position to act. To act without forgiving assures us that our decisions will not be correct if only from the fact that our motives will not be pure. Forgiveness must precede correction.
It is sad that among God’s believing children there are those who, despite the clear counsel of Scripture, continue to carry around the cancer of being unforgiving. It makes this life much harder and harsher putting a tarnish on all we say, do and think. It also makes the prospect of Judgment very bleak.
Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. (Matt. 18:32-35)
Have a great week,
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