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Marriage

June 12, 2006

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Dear Friends

I was given the privilege this past weekend to join my niece, Jan, in marriage to her fiancé, Chad. Both Jan and Chad are wonderful people and committed to serving God. I pray that their life together will be blessed.

The words for the service were from my own marriage. It spoke of many of the common themes that are spoken of in marriage ceremonies. What it didn’t speak of, for obvious reasons, was what I would like to address now—the inevitable trials that come from being married.

The Apostle Paul says in his first letter to the brethren in Corinth, “It is a good thing for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek a separation. Are you free of a wife? Then do not look for a wife. If you marry, however, you do not sin, nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries; but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that.” (1 Cor. 7:26–28) Now you can see why few, if any, quote this verse at a wedding steering rather towards “the greatest of these is love” and similar verses. The fact remains, though, that marriage can be tough. In fact, divorce in the United States is now hovering around 50% of all marriages. People can’t cope with the “affliction in their earthly life.”

This idea that Paul conveys bothers some people because they see it as a conflict with a few Biblical thoughts. One is expressed right in the beginning. “And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Ge 2:18) Another apparent conflicting verse is “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” (Pr 18:22)

These verses are not conflicting. These seemingly conflicting verses make perfect sense to me in my own experience. First, being married has been to my wife of 22 years has been wonderful. It would not have been good for me to be alone and I certainly did find a good thing in my wife. My cup runneth over in the marriage department. However, at the same time, there have been some bumps along the road of life. There are moments in marriage when “affliction” is not an inappropriate word to use.

So here are a couple of points which I would like to share with Jan, Chad and anyone else who is married or is contemplating marriage.

  1. Stick with it. There will be rough times in your marriage. The Bible says so. You made a vow before God that you would be one flesh—forever—so don’t break that promise. At sometime you may feel that the sun will not shine again, but it will. Work on it and wait for it.
  2. The closer you come to God, the closer you will come to each other. Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Set this course in your relationship even before you are married and follow it until “death do us part” and it will serve you well.
  3. Marriage is tough enough without outsiders adding stress to a marriage. Do not allow any outside influence (including children) to come between you and your spouse. The Bible says two shall be one; not three, four, fifty!
  4. Lay down your life for your husband or wife. Put their needs ahead of your own. Use Jesus’ example of self-sacrifice for his bride as your example.
  5. Forgive as you have been forgiven.
  6. “I” is now “we.” Remember that your decisions affect more than yourself now.
  7. Things change. All that stuff about “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc.” is not just hypothetical language. Marriage is about constantly adjusting and readjusting to new circumstances.

May God bless Jan and Chad as well as all of our marriages.

Have a great week,

P.S. Many requests have been made to print the TFTW in book form. Since this has been a community effort, I would like to make this book a community effort as well. If there is any particular TFTW that has touched you or that you would like to write a preface for, please contact Kyle Tucker. We will include some of these comments in the book, Lord willing.

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