Like Father, Not Like Son
October 13, 2002
Dear Friends,
Something that has bothered me for a long time in the Bible is how many times you have a good parent who end up with a wicked child. Sometimes we are given a little insight as to why this occurred while other times we have none at all. The opposite is also true that many times you have a wicked parent who ends up with a very good child. You would expect to see a strong correlation of these characteristics (righteous parent = righteous child, wicked parent = wicked child), but it just not that strong of a correlation.
Here is a short list of examples of righteous fathers and wicked sons: Noah & Ham, Abraham & Ishmael, Isaac & Esau, Jacob & pick anyone but Joseph or Benjamin, Aaron & Nadab or Abihu, Eli & Hophni or Phinehas, David & Amnon, Hezekiah & Manasseh. We could go on, but you get the point. “Wicked” might be too strong of a term for some of the above sons, but maybe not harsh enough for others. The bottom line is that we have a lot of examples of faithful fathers and sons who followed the wrong path either consistently or for a time.
Lot is an interesting example of a parent in the Bible. Consider Lot’s parenting skills (or lack thereof). Lot picks a awful place to raise a family — Sodom. God sends angels there to check out what is going on. The men (they were angels but Lot didn’t know it yet) came to Lot’s house. The Sodomites decided that they wanted to rape Lot’s divine house guests. Lot, instead, offers his virgin daughters to the unruly crowd in hopes of appeasing them. It is commendable that Lot even had virgin daughters in such a place, but what kind of a parent offers them to a crowd of evil men? Is it any wonder, as we will see later, that his daughters lose all perspective on the value of their virginity? Now uncle Abraham has bargained with God to spare the city for ten righteous people. Why did he stop at ten? More than likely this was the size of Lot’s immediate family. “And the men said unto Lot, Hast thou here any besides? son in law, and thy sons, and thy daughters…” (Gen. 19:12) Let’s count: Lot and his wife (2), sons in law (v. 14 – 2 or more) and Lot’s married daughters (2 or more), the two virgin daughters (2), sons (2 or more). So with Lot alone having at least ten in his immediate family, Abraham is pretty sure that there are at least ten righteous people in Sodom. Well, we all know the story. There are not ten righteous people in Sodom. Lot leaves Sodom with only his two daughters and his wife. His wife is turned to a pillar of salt. Lot in a drunken stupor impregnates both of his daughters. Needless to say, Lot was not a model parent. Yet, despite all of this, in Second Peter 2:7, Lot is called “righteous.”
There are a couple of exhortations I think that are worth considering. First, just because you have a bad child, it doesn’t make you a bad person. Even if some of the child’s issues are directly related to your problems as in the case of David and Amnon or the story of Lot, you can still be sanctified in the eyes of God. This may be little consolation for us as the parent.
Another exhortation is that we can learn from the mistakes of others. Just as the children of Israel wandering faithlessly in the wilderness can serve as an excellent reminder to us of our own walk in the wilderness of life, likewise, the bad parents in the Bible can help us see what not to do. For example, regardless of how good the school systems are in downtown Sodom, don’t put your children in that environment. In the lives of Eli and David, we can see that it is not simply knowing of your child’s misdeeds that is important, but taking steps to correct them.
Next, look at how many distractions the righteous men and women had in their lives who had poor children. Some of these “distractions” were godly activities. We wonder how much attention was given to some of these children in households where the father was king, high priest or blessed with an abundance of crops, land or animals. The lesson for us here is that our children need our attention. This includes fathers who have dedicated their lives to serving the needs of the ecclesia. A garden, no matter how meticulously planted on the best of ground, left unattended will grow weeds.
Lastly, I think this speaks to the idea that being a parent is not simple. It is one of life’s great conundrums that you need to pass extensive training and a licensing to drive a car, but all you need to do is pass puberty to create another human being. Simply being from the right family or living in the right environment is not all that is required. We cannot minimize God’s will and calling, the active role of the parent in the life of the child, the active role of the ecclesia in the life of the child and the children themselves. All of these play a role in developing young minds and characters to live in accordance with God’s will.
May God bless us all in this endeavor.
Have a great week!
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