Sex and the Believer
February 25, 2001
Dear Friends:
About a year ago, I was asked to speak at a youth gathering that was entitled “If you’re living like there is no God, you had better be right.” The weekend was going to focus on youth who were living life “on the edge” so to speak. This week’s thought comes from the topic I covered during the weekend. This week’s thought concerns itself with our society’s cavalier attitude toward sex and the believer’s response to such attitudes.
We may not like to talk about sex. It is extremely private and personal. Yet, with so many issues today related to the topic, we are remiss if we do not have frank and open discussions on the topic. This goes double for our young people. If you talk to enough of them, I think you will be shocked at some of what you will hear.
There really is no need for me to cite statistics on the casual nature of sex in our society. It is all around us on TV, in music, on magazine shelves in the grocery store, in our schools, and in our conversation. It is inescapable.
Take, for example, the idea of “safe sex.” What they mean when they say “safe sex” is that we can have sex outside of marriage but it needs to be done in such a way as to prevent pregnancy and venereal disease. In other words, there is nothing wrong with fornication as long as it is done “safely.” The “sin” is pregnancy or VD, not the forbidden act that brought them about.
Likewise, in my dealings with young people on the subject, I have been bombarded with equally misguided, non-Biblical reasoning. “The Bible never forbids anything other than premarital intercourse.” “Don’t you think times have changed and that there are a whole different set of rules today than existed 2,000 years ago.” “What if two people really love each other?” These ideas have been so drilled into us by society that they almost sound correct. Yet, if we simply put these same ideas in the context of another sin, say murder, we see the absurdity in the propositions. “The Bible never forbids any assault other than murder.” “Don’t you think times have changed and that murder is acceptable in modern times?” “What if two people really hate each other?”
Unlike murder and other sins such as stealing, lying and idolatry, God did give us an outlet for the needs of the flesh – marriage. In its proper context of marriage, sexual relations between a man and a woman is a beautiful, wondrous thing.
One of the things that constantly comes up and what people really want to know is “how far is too far?” Most of us are probably familiar with the old baseball analogy of first base, second base, third base, home run. That’s what our children want to know – which base is OK? The apostle Paul answers this question (without the baseball analogy!) from an apparent question he was posed by the brethren at Corinth. He says “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” In other words, second base is out. Anything beyond that is way out. My advice to the young people concerning the baseball analogy is “Don’t even go in the ballpark?”
What about first base (i.e. kissing)? The Scripture says three times “Greet ye one another with an holy kiss.” (1 Cor. 16:20, 2 Cor. 13:12, 1 Thess. 5:26) This lends some credibility to the idea of kissing. However, there is a modifier on the word kiss. The word is holy. There is a big difference between a holy kiss and unholy one. There is no sexual intent in a holy kiss.
People tell me time and again that this standard is unrealistic and even delusional. What I say is that the standard what the standard is. If I have misinterpreted the standard, so be it. However, if this is what the Bible says the standard is and you chose not to follow it, maybe I am not the one who is delusional.
So now that we have the boundaries going forward, what do you do about the past? In a society where promiscuity is so rampant, what do we do with those (maybe ourselves!) who have not followed the Biblical prohibitions against illicit sex? Do we throw on the guilt trip? Do we label them hypocrites if they start following a more virtuous path?
The Bible as usual provides an answer. Jesus was faced with a woman who was caught in adultery. What did he tell her to do? “When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” (John 8) There is nothing less than total forgiveness in Christ for all our past sins and misdeeds. What we need to do is repent which is exactly what Jesus told her to do. “Sin no more.” Do not change the standard, live up to it.
“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”
Have a great week!
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