Parenting 5
April 9, 2000
Dear Friends:
In Matthew, Jesus tells us “every city or house divided against itself shall not stand.” Although Jesus is not specifically speaking to us about parenting, his message gets to the heart of any unified effort for parents.
This last principle we will discuss on parenting and one of the best tips I was ever given as a parent was to present a united house to the children. Children seem to have an inborn sense of how to pit one parent against another and so divide the household.
Interestingly enough, some people decide to have children in order to bring them closer together. Unfortunately, all too often if a couple does not have a solid marriage before the addition of a little one, the new child only worsens the divide.
Some of the best parents I have talked with have made it a rule to never argue in front of the children. They would go into another room, have their discussion and return to present their agreed upon solution. If done discreetly, the children will never know that a disagreement had ever taken place.
Children need this sense of security in order to develop properly just as we do the unity of God and Christ to develop spiritually. Although children will be the first ones to exploit any disagreement between their parents, deep down they crave a solid, unified marriage of their parents.
One rule we made for our children early on was that they were forbidden to ask permission for something of one parent after they were declined the request by the other. You know the game – ask Mom first, if you don’t like what she says, go ask Dad. Just asking the question again, never mind if they received the same answer or not, was taboo.
Perhaps we have seen examples of the wisdom of an undivided house in our ecclesias. Imagine the elders of an ecclesia carrying out a rancorous disagreement on an important matter in front of the entire ecclesia. Would we be surprised if this created confusion, backbiting, partisan politics or even an ecclesial split?
There are many more things that we could touch on regarding parenting. It is a challenging task for anyone, but one of the most rewarding activities that God has given us this side of the Kingdom.
My parting advice on parenting is to do what I have tried to do here. Read the Bible to see what it has to say about parenting. Talk to parents that have raised children you would be proud to call your own. Most of all, pray to God to give you, as a parent, the wisdom, love, patience, endurance and faith to raise up a child that God would be proud to call His own.
Have a great week!
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