Parenting 2
March 19, 2000
Dear Friends:
Last week we began the discussion of raising children. In it we alluded to the fact that this week we would cover the subject of corporal punishment.
The Bible would seem to have an several passages that lend themselves to spanking or some sort of other physical punishment. This issue has become a source of contention in the world today. There are many vocal advocates of the idea of never striking a child.
With the abundance of stories of child abuse, it is no wonder that there has been a backlash against any form of corporal punishment. There have even been attempts to outlaw such forms of punishment by parents. Any God-fearing person would agree that any abuse or injury to a little child is abhorrent in the eyes of God.
The Bible says in several places something very similar to what is said in Proverbs 23:13,14 where is states “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” We also find in Proverbs 29:15 the following statement, “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” There is then Biblical precedent for spanking.
The Hebrew word for rod is shebet which means a stick or a branch. It is the same word as used in the famous 23rd Psalm where is says “thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” The image then is of a shepherd protecting and guiding the sheep with a rod and staff. Whereas you can quickly conjure up the picture of a shepherd guiding, maybe even gently tapping the sheep, you never get the picture of a shepherd beating his poor sheep half to death with a stick. If they had to result to such tactics, they would be a very poor shepherd.
Jesus, who portrays himself as the good shepherd and says of himself that “…he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep…and the sheep hear his voice.” From this we conclude that the best parenting then is done by command rather than corporal punishment.
There are times when use of spanking is particularly pertinent. As we mentioned last week, it should be done when it has been threatened (even if the parent regrets having made the threat). It seems effective for very small children who are putting themselves in harm’s way and do not understand why they cannot do a particularly dangerous thing. It seems effective when immediate and dramatic discipline is required (especially for the very young).
Corporal punishment seems inappropriate in the following circumstances: 1) when it is administered in anger rather than love 2) when the intent is to inflict intense pain (I have found it doesn’t really have to hurt the child much if at all to have its intended effect) 3) when the child is of an age when they can and should be reasoned with 4) when it is overused and loses its behavior-changing power 5) when it becomes a substitute for dealing with the children in a more positive and edifying fashion (such as teaching them from the Bible or spending quality time with them to teach them a better way).
Our final comments on this subject deal with God’s dealings with us. The apostle Paul was told by Jesus “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.” The figure is of a stubborn ox being poked by an eight foot pointed stick. It was not pleasant for Saul (Paul) to be goaded nor is it pleasant when God goads us. Yet, we are told that God does it in our best interests. Hebrews 12:11 says “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” The first book of Peter has much to say on this subject also. We too should look closely at God’s example and at how we discipline our children to see if what we are doing is truly in their best interests.
Our prayer is that all children will be raised with Godly wisdom and the same tender and merciful gentleness that our heavenly Father extends to us.
Have a great week!
